I am responsible for my own happiness

That's my revelation.

Not much of a revelation I know but that's what dawned on me just now. I know better but I haven't been DOING better and shame on me. I've come to realize how easy it it to by in to different sterotypes when you don't have any close friends to combat those sterotypes. Case and point Asain men. I don't know when it happened but somehow, some where I bought into the BS that America (read: Hollywood) was feeding me about them. That they are all Jet Lee or Jackie Chan, goofy, nerdy, never get the girl types when that's just not true. In fact I used to act on this and even call them by such in an attempt to be friendly when in fact I was just being down right insulting. Why it never dawned on me that I was feeding in to this I don't know but I'm glad that it has. Asain men and Black women get the worst rep when it comes to the media and here I am not helping at all. I feel bad. But that's not the only thing that I've realized. I realized that even tho I cut me hair to embrace the way that God made me. I have not been doing that at all. I'm still harbouring feelings such as wanting to marry someone inter-racialy not because I love then but just so I can give my baby good hair. Sigh I'm just starting the whole cycle over again. If my son heard me say that what would ge think? That he has "bad" hair and is somehow unworthy? That's not what I mean to say but that's the point that I would be sending across. But, I don't know. To be honest, I feel cursed like God hates me or something(note: this is just how I feel. I am by no means saying that he does.) I don't know, he made me black, and I FEEL like black people are among the worst talked about,put down, and objetified people in the world. And not only did he made me black he made me a woman. Which I think sucks. Women bare what seems to be ALL the pain in the world. We are beaten, raped, stolen, we are in pain every month, We have to go throgh the pain of carring the child and then the pain of child birth, and then most of us raise the child, cook for the whole family, wash the laundray, and iron the clothes. And, all the man does is work for 8 hours a day and gets to come home and sit on his ass, or sleep. In the meantime we have a 24/365 job that never ends. Sigh, so yeah..........
Anyway I kinda got of topic. What I meant to say is find someone that makes you happy reagardless or skin colour or hair. That stuff is waaaay less important and your marriage will last longer. Don't get with someone from another race just because someone said so. Because in the end you will be the one unhappy not them.