You're either in or you're out

WTD(What the Deuce( is wrong with me? I just hung up on a guy I've been waiting to call me back since the Friday after Thanksgiving. And I suppose that's why. Let's call him Dwane. Me and Dwane went out in the 9th grade. I was...AM in love with him.....6 years later. In 9th grade I wasn't the best of girlfriends and I had some issues with long term relationships, because the one's I was in before him always ended badly. So I did what hurt people do and I cheated on him and lost my virginity to one of my friends that I had no romantic feelings for what so ever and perhaps that's why he was the perfect cadidate. He didn't threaten me with thoughts of forever. Anyways I told Dwane and we broke up. But the best/worse part is this, he was willing to stay with me and work it out. I'm the dumb ass who told him to lose my number. But, in the 9th grade you always think you have more time for whatever. You can turn it homework the next day for reduced grade. Your friends will all be there the next day. And more time especaily for the one you love. I ran out of time. He moved without warning, and with out a way to get in to contact with him. And I didn't see him ever again. Till by chance I was home on leave and I went to the movies. He gave me his number I called and we talked. A then he was gone again. With no warning and no way to get in touch. Untill he myspaced me. And he called we talked. I felt my soul open up and run to him and the safety of his heart. And then we hung up with the promise of his call. And I was buzzed with the intoxication of his spirit sorrouding me. That call didn't come. And I once again was left with the realization that was once was mine, wasn't mine anymore. Today he called and rewarded me with his voice. And what did I do? I hung up. This is the boy turned man that sets my soul on fire. The ruler with which I measure every relationship, the missing part of my soul, and the epitomy of what I think a man ought to be. And I hung up on him. Because with me you're either in or you're out, and he hasn't made his position clear. So for now he's out. Peace.